between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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