some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
