It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
