Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
