I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
