He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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