i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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