I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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