i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
