Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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