I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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