k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Cover your peen. We're going out.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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