also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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