worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
