so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
