Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
