I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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