Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
