A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
