theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
