Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
