my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
