dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
