Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
