Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
