Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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