his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
