No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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