I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
