i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
