Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you had me at cake vodka
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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