it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
