I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
