im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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