Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
a search helicopter?!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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