I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
