If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
