All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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