I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
