The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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