have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
