i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize