the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
