My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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