I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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