And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
