Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
