I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize