The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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