Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
