: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
