Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
