oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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