I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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