I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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