When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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