Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
