I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize