Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
