dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
