the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
