get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Alive.
So much puke
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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