He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
