Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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