omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
me + whiskey = a bad person
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
