i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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