i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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