had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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