Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
