Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
