Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
